Will boys be boys?

Outside the Box, or Boys Will Be Boys

A really honest report of isolation and anxiety manifesting itself....sound familiar?

https://www.thecalmzone.net/2014/10/first-person-isolation-anxiety/

Can Palestinian Men be Victims? Gendering Israel's War on Gaza

"Today, we should be aware of how the trope of “womenandchildren” is circulating in relation to Gaza and to Palestine more broadly. This trope accomplishes many discursive feats, two of which are most prominent: The massifying of women and children into an undistinguishable group brought together by the “sameness” of gender and sex, and the reproduction of the male Palestinian body (and the male Arab body more generally) as always already dangerous."

http://www.jadaliyya.com/pages/index/18644/can-palestinian-men-be-victims-gendering-israels-w

Sportsmen Crying - Liam Davie

A beautiful thing, Liam Davie crying at the Commonwealth men gymnastic team competition.  An example of strong men crying as a result of wanting something so much.  Apparently there is a 'rule' for men crying in sports, someone shake this guy who wrote this article!

http://uk.askmen.com/sports/fanatic_250/273_the-rules-for-crying-in-sports.html

Thankfully there is a clever man called Professor Cooper who has commented on the subject of sportsmen crying with a tad more insight:

http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/general/others/the-last-word-at-least-britons-are-unbeatable-at-crying-game-1603954.html

"I think it was Gascoigne who reallyopened the way for other men to cry," said Cary Cooper, professor of organisational psychology and health at Lancaster University. "We know that men don't express their feelings as well as women. I think for men to cry in competitive, aggressive, macho sports like football is quite healthy.

"It's an expression of emotion and people aren't ashamed of doing it anymore. You're seeing a physical, outward manifestation of what someone is actually feeling inside, without disguising it and trying to play the part of a macho man. That's what I like about it, provided people don't start crying just because it's the done thing."

Professor Cooper, who as a Manchester City supporter clearly knows a thing or two about the subject, believes Britain has shown the way in the crying game. "Fifteen or 20 years ago we led pretty stable lives, a nine-to-five culture. Now we lead much more frenetic lives and people areso much more ambitious and achievement-driven. We've been Americanised. Everything is about winning.

"I think that has led us into feeling more pressure. And given the freneticway that we lead our lives we don't have time to express our emotions, until something goes wrong. Then we can't control it because it's overwhelming. It's like a pressure cooker. It just boils over."

Boys Dancing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgBPewZYLE8

The Quiet Man Suite Trailer

Wow... amazing film

'Catharsis' features a world where locking away feelings is easier than dealing with them. But when the pressure builds is an explosion of emotion inevitable?

'Catharsis' is one of six dance films that form The Quiet Man Suite.

http://boysdancing.org/gallery/catharsis

A word to men who hide

Hey there open your eyes it's lovely to see you.
You've been gone from my side, I thought that I'd lost you
Gone from my side, gone from side

You've been lost in the rain, again and again
I just wait in the sun, calling you red, run, run, run towards the sun

Standing outside with the sun in our eyes we blinded
Sense with the skin,
Feel the warmth rushing in,
This is real, real, real
Nowhere to hide

You're strong
Don't tell me I'm wrong
Don't hide

Boys Don't Cry

I found this fab article about men not crying:

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/10/12/why-is-it-so-hard-for-men-to-cry/http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/10/12/why-is-it-so-hard-for-men-to-cry/

What I found more interesting was one man's response to this about childishness and how as adults we should 'abandon the weak surrender to sadness'.  He then goes on to talk about how as adults, 'We feel the distress just as much as when we were children, but we do not surrender and submit to the shame of tears.'

I found this really poignant and revealing  - I wonder does he feel that all feelings of sadness are related to weakness and that as adults we should ignore all of these feelings?

I find his words reminiscent of my own feelings towards crying in front of people, I hate people to see me as weak and crying.  But that in itself is about me - I think that people will see me as weak - when perhaps the reality is that by not crying - by not letting it out and being truthful with myself in a moment - I am being weak by stifling the feelings that are arising.

Not a lot do to with Truth... BoS?

http://www.maxhattler.com/avery/

Saw this Rachel and thought of you!

The Guardian - Young men in crisis

Boys don't cry, or at least they're not supposed to. Yes, the old, unreconstructed machismo that was once all too synonymous with being a man has been partly driven back; men are more likely to open up and talk about their feelings. But discussing anxiety, depression and mental distress is still seen as weak or unmanly; the pressure to "man up" and "stop being such a woman" remains pervasive. And let's be frank: these expectations are killing all too many men.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jul/02/young-men-mental-health-crisis-support-cuts?CMP=fb_ot

Words to my Husband

I have a man in my life who sometimes needs to cry - like all men need to cry.  This project for me is very much about honouring his TRUTH, and that of men.  They don't need to be anything other than themselves.  Having watched Sam Taylor-Wood's work with Robery Downey Junior it inspired these words.

You, come over.
Lie here, come and rest your head.
I see trouble.

Eyes are restless,
Body's searching to be still.
Touch leaves memories imprinted on your skin.

You stay close, here stay close.

Silent whispers,
Stirring storms upon the sea.
Tossing, turning, endlessly.

You stay close, here stay close.

I sense pressure,
Building racing to release;
Overloaded.

Cold wind follows,
Cooling, slowing every cell
Skin feels lifeless.

You stay close, here stay close.

Thoughts on my Dad

Born 1925, 34 Green Street, Forest Gate. Lived behind the radio shop where his mum and dad worked and left his grandma with most of the childcare. Middle child, two sisters. Very bright, not socialable, bullied at school, locked in a cupboard by other kids.

Finished school after outbreak of WWII. Ceiling of bedroom fell on him. Not hurt but traumatised. Evacuated at some stage. First job at Plesseys, second at Ordinance Survey and last at GLC as cartographic surveyor. Very clever, too clever for his jobs, but no interpersonal skills to progress. One of my earliest memories is laying in bed hearing him crying because he didn't get promotion.

He couldn't relate to his children - mind on higher and more important things. No affection, little play or engagement of any sort. Strict discipline.

Later in life he/we realised he was probably Aspergers. He read Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night and said 'that's me!'.

Mum wore the trousers in our house. She had severe mental health problems mostly controlled by drugs but volatile and irrational much of the time. EST before I was born and in and out of hospital through my childhood. They married late for their generation - early 30s. Dad was devoted and at her beck and call. They rarely argued as he co-opted always. Perhaps he was too scared of her having a relapse to stand up to her. On the other hand he was difficult - like a third child she used to say! Unable to make life decisions - 'darling what clothes do I wear?' was the frequent call at breakfast time.

He had good manners, but stuttered, nervous, shy, scared. I had the idea he was sad as he had never reached his potential. Both his sisters went to University and he never got a degree. Mum said he was very jealous of them.

Loved the garden - not the back breaking work - but pottering and knew all the latin names to the plants. Loved maths - remember him using formula to work out the number of bricks in a circular design outside his window at the Phylis Tuckwell Hospice as he was dying.

Shortly before his death in 2010 I told him about a photography exhibition I was having at Kings College London. He told me how he had done a year of a Physics degree at Kings College before having a breakdown and giving up during the War. He had never told me this before. I don't think the family knew. He must have been ashamed because he didn't finish. We talked about depression and how these days my students are able to interrupt, hopefully get better and come back to finish their studies. He explained how mental health issues were barely recognised in civilians during that era as all the efforts were going on the war and the soldiers coming back traumatised. Sadly I think this disappointment affected him his whole life.

My sadness is that I never really got to know him properly and that he never stood up to my mum when she treated him and the family badly. I feel a bit cross that he never stepped up and that he seemed a rather weak man to others. On the other hand, and in contradiction, I see him as strong because he put up with my mum all those years and even looked after her in his final years. I understand he had divided loyalties at best or was even unaware of the nuances of family relationships because of suspected Aspergers.

The Good Men Project

“The Good Men Project is a glimpse of what enlightened masculinity might look like in the 21st century,” the press raved when we launched. We had set out to start an international conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. And with over 5 million visitors coming to join in every month, it looks as if we’ve done exactly that.

The Good Men Project is a diverse community of 21st century thought leaders who are actively participating in a conversation about the way men’s roles are changing in modern life—and the way those changes affect everyone. We explore the world of men and manhood in a way that no media company ever has, tackling the issues and questions that are most relevant to men’s lives. We write about fatherhood, family, sex, ethics, war, gender, politics, sports, pornography, and aging. We shy away from nothing. Our content reflects the multidimensionality of men — we are alternatively funny and serious, provocative and thoughtful, earnest and light-hearted. We search far and wide for new stories and new voices from “the front lines of modern manhood.” And we do it without moralizing and without caricaturizing our audience; we let guys be guys, but we do it while challenging confining cultural notions of what a “real man” must be.

http://goodmenproject.com/about/

Another male view...

From Andrew M Park of Urbane Gallant

As boys, we dream of changing the world, but it remains a dream because we never hear of men who actually do. The young men find themselves in a crisis, in need of male mentors who inspire them and speak about masculinity.

If you’re like me, that is all you really want—someone to show you masculinity lived out. We need examples, and Wilberforce is a worthy mentor for all of us today.

Here are five lessons on manhood from Wilberforce's historic campaign to end slavery:

http://urbanegallant.com/blogs/journal/14487833-5-lessons-on-manhood-from-william-wilberforce

A male view...

Machismo—the mere utterance of this word stirs up an array of emotions. For some, it evokes great male pride, and for others, it reeks of negativity and abuse. Growing up, I associated the word with one thing, wrestling. My favorite wrestler was Randy “Macho Man” Savage, and after watching Macho Man’s signature moves on TV, I would emulate them during matches with my younger brother and step-dad, proving that I too could be “macho.” At the time, this word “macho,” seemed to epitomize what I wanted to be—a fighter that was cool, powerful, strong, and in control. After all, these characteristics were not only being portrayed by my favorite wrestler, but they were also being acted out right in front of me by some of the males in my own family and community. I was being conditioned to be a macho man, but what does that mean? What is a “macho” man?

https://medium.com/@ECDiazdeLeon/what-is-a-macho-man-69063b21504c

XY; Masculinity in Photography

A forthcoming exhibition of photographs of the strengths and virtues of masculinity coupled with the Achilles' heel of meeting these stereotypes. Sadly the call for exhibits has closed.
 
Do all men have power? Do all men want power? Is masculinity the same in every culture and time period? Does the performance of masculinity depend on the categories of race, class, and sexuality? The answer to the first three questions is a resounding no, while the answer both to the fourth one is a clear yes.

http://www.darkroomgallery.com/ex58/?x=1

The art of Sam Taylor Wood

Steps to heaven: in Sam Taylor-Wood's Pietà the artist cradles the actor Robert Downey Jr in a silent two-minute performance that echoes the Pietà of Michelangelo

 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/art/3570984/Spirit-of-the-age.html

Beckham Sleeping

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/art/3616013/Beckham-the-sleeping-beauty.html

“Men Don’t Cry” takes a look at the a series of male celebrities such as Daniel Craig, Ed Harris, Robin Williams and Michael Pitt caught in the intimate act and still rarely seen act of crying. It’s a series of photographs that carry a real impact, and not just because of the stars involved.

http://comeintoland.com/2013/02/19/sam-taylor-woods-men-dont-cry/

http://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2004/oct/29/art

And Brontosaurous from the Tate catalogue

Naked and alone in his bedroom, the dancer is performing an activity which usually takes place in a public space and which mixes acting with self-expression. By projecting the dance in slow-motion, Taylor-Wood has broken it down into a series of poses. The dancer appears to be lost in his own private ritual and oblivious to the camera's eye, and thus becomes an object of voyeurism, exposed in a state of extreme vulnerability. The chasm separating him from the viewer is extended by the poignancy of Barber's Adagio of 1936, which was used by the directors Oliver Stone in Platoon 1986 and David Lynch in Elephant Man 1980, two films which address male heroism and deformity. Moving between almost neo-classical heroic elegance and beauty, awkwardness, pathos and sheer ridiculousness, Brontosaurus covers a range of contradictory but co-existing human states and feelings. The archeological or primal nature of these is suggested by the title, which is the name of a dinosaur. This is comically referred to by a pink stuffed version visible in a corner of the room. 

http://vk.com/video9050442_166368936

The Representation Project

Compared to girls, research shows that boys in the U.S. are more likely to be diagnosed with a behavior disorder, prescribed stimulant medications, fail out of school, binge drink, commit a violent crime, and/or take their own lives. The Mask You Live In asks: As a society, how are we failing our boys?

http://therepresentationproject.org/films/the-mask-you-live-in/

http://therepresentationproject.org/blog/

Facing our TRUTH - The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Impermeable masculinity

There is much about the impermeability of masculinity in gender studies as a metaphor for locking away emotions and keeping them at a safe distance. For example there is the idea of the body builder who makes his whole body resemble 'the power of the phallus' which is a bit ironic when you compare to the actual penis. You can google to find many references. For my MA I wrote an essay. As a member of Feminists Against Censorship it was a post-feminist analysis of the possible pleasure/unpleasure in the porn film genre supposedly aimed at heterosexuals at the time...

"In her book Volatile Bodies (Indiana Press 1994), Elizabeth Grosz suggested that the existence of practically no literature about male body fluids could reflect mens' attempt to distance themselves from a type of uncontrollable and excessive corporeality they have attributed to women. Male bodies seem to have sealed themselves off - the idea of penetration and male orgasm involves the constitution of the sealed up, impermeable body. 'Perhaps it is not after all flow in itself that a certain phallicized masculinity abhors, but the idea that flow moves or can move in two way or indeterminable directions that elicits horror, the possibility of being not only an active agent in the transmission of flow, but also a passive receptacle... A body that is permeable, that transmits in a circuit, that opens itself up rather than seals itself off, that is prepared to respond as well as to initiate, that does not revile its masculinity... would involve a quite radical rethinking.' Grosz goes on to suggest that heterosexual men must be more willing to take on passive positions... then they will be able to reclaim, reuse, reintensify zones and functions that have been disinvested."

Rachel's brain-dump re fluids and flows made me think about this again. I notice I also wrote about 'becoming' rather than 'being' and will revisit that concept in relation to our ponderings of movement and stillness.

Does a Body Stagnate if it Stops Moving, Does Each Body Hold a Lotus?

I have an image of water - and how quickly it stagnates if there is no flow running through it.  Is it the same for us, for are we not predominantly water.  This isn't a new thought but it's a thought for me.  Where does that point of stagnation locate within the body? -  the mind? the cells? the skin? the lungs? the heart?

This led me on to thinking about fluid - the fluid in our body and the qualities of a fluid, fluidity v's rigidity.  How is it to move fluidly?  Continuously, negotiating, adapting, smooth, malleable, soft, wet, calm, flowing - are these masculine attributes?  Is this a stereotypical description of a man, do they strive to be soft, 'wet' (weak), calm?  - Is it a lack of fluidity - the layering of stereotypes which causes a stagnation within men?

Fact of the Day - Lotuses Prefer Stagnant Water.

Macho culture, power and all that...

An excerpt of DV8's Enter Archilles.

Truth - Gunn and Palmer investigate... why do cowboys where hats in the bath (and quite a bit more?)

Rosie Gunn and Rachel Palmer, met in the sun today and discussed TRUTH (it might not be called that though!) - a new digital dance collaboration.  Cards laid upon the table were:  men, boys, fragility, why do cowboys wear hats in the bath, what is it to be filled up, what is it to be empty, is stillness empty or full, what is expected of man and is he allowed to be fragile?  Fragile is STRONG....well that's the starter for 10!